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Quite a coincidence I just happened to read this forum tonight. I certainly can speak with experience regarding this subject, since I went to China and foolishly married an internet aquaintence, without spending adequate time getting to know her situation and motives. If I were you, I wouldn't waste your time and money going to China to meet this one until you give it plenty of time. Who knows what she is really up to? I got fleeced for money for marriage dowry, living expenses for her, jewlery, etc. When I returned to the USA, she emailed me saying that "Mama", who I never met, objected to the marriage because of our age difference. A few months later I got an email requesting a divorce, which I am now in the process of trying to accomplish via a lawyer in China. I have had little communication and no further explanations from her and assume she has gone on to the next customer. Professional picutres are standard fare for Chinese women. It could be that she is for real, but give it plenty of time and make sure all the components of her story make sense, ie. her family, her job, her education and background, etc, etc. Good luck.

I am sorry to read this. It is unfortunate that a relationship gets is such a state when I am sure a lot of so time and effort went into building it. The language barriers can be a problem, but I think the bigger one is that the nature of such long distance "connections" do not allow for the amount of personal contact that one would have if the couple were both living in the same area/city/county during courtship. That makes the honesty and accuracy of two way communication more important than what we are normally acustomed to in our life here in USA. It is a hard thing to achieve in any case and challenging. I think many prefer to save the difficult isssues for later resolution. I would say get divorced soon or see a marriage counselor and see if you can resolve the problems.

This topic has certainly generated some valuable and thoughtfull observations. I have not looked at this site for some time, but I can identify with the topic and the discussions. I would say and romantic involvement is a gamble and and the more serious it becomes, the bigger the stakes, emotionally and financially. As far as Chinese vs American (Western), I think some of the generalizations hold up. I think American society overall has become fixed on the superficial and the veneer of appearance and has lost the depth of emotional attachment and connection that makes for a strong and lasting relationship. In my case, that is what I would find more easily (depth of emotion) with an Asian woman and not so easy with an American. However, my experience is that you should be very carefull to make sure all the necessary sincerity an "honorable intentions" are present, before getting to far out on an emotional limb. In my case I found out later that my wife's loyalties were with her Mother and family and not with me. I also had very superficial knowledge of her past background, previous relationships, etc, that one would normally know if the woman was from (and living in) the same country as her prospective husband. It is much easier to fool someone from a far. You have no idea what someone is doing halfway across the world and I think Asians are not noted for thier openness or specificity in communication. This lack of precision in communication can cause problems later on. It did with my rather quickly failed marriage. As for buying property in China, I would not consider it, unless you are going to live there and have your residence permit in hand and have been married for a reasonable period of time. My lady fair asked me to buy her a condo in Shenzhen, even before we were actually married. The reasoning was that "Mama" would feel more comfortable knowing that her daughter would have a secure place to live. Fortunately, I did not buy the condo. So, my story is that after being married in February 2004, and upon my return to USA I am told by my wife that she wants a divorce because "Mama" says I am to old. After a few short phone calls I heard nothing more until today, when I get an email saying that she is sorry, but we must get a divorce. I will say that a good part of this situation is due to my own carlessness and haste in pursuing a relationship that had many shakey and questionable aspects. My advice is don't be in a hurry and manipulated into situations that do not have a sound basis. Know her and her family well. I did not.

Some may recall my posting concerning this matter awhile back. On April 1 I got an email from my wife asking for divorce or at least asking if I agreed with her about a divorce. Since then, I also have not been able to contact her. No email, no phone. The whole thing is nuts. I have contacted a lawyer in Beijing who is affiliated with an American law firm, but their costs are USA Wall Street. Does anyone know exactly what the process for marriage registration is in China? As far as I know, we are legally married. I have the red book and all that, but we made a trip to the notarial office in Wuhan the same day after the marriage book was received. Does anyone know what this would have been for? My wife said this was so she could obtain a notarized certificate of her marriage. Is this something that is needed for further verification (proof) of marriage. Finally, does anyone know any family law experts in China who speak adequate English. Thanks.

I think I would agree with Jim on this one. My wife apparently had an ID that was not exactly 100% accurate, lets say "fudged" a little. I later asked some of my PRC freinds in USA, if it was possible to obtain fake ID's in China. They replied that it is not difficult to obtain them. My wife also claimed that she never had a birth certificate. I was also told that this could be possible, but unlikely, unless she was not born in a hospital. I told her that when we got around to filing any documents, these sort of inconsistancies would be a royal red flag in front of any immigration officer. I would not assume anything, with the amount of paranoia over US immigration isssues now.

This is an interesting topic, since I also got married in China, in early February. I did nto have any residence status in China and was not immediately considering bring my wife to the USA. I obtained all the necessary certifications, as outlined on the Chinese Counsulate web page in Houston. I was was married in Wuhan. It was my understanding that if a Chinese woman married a foreigner, she has to be married in her home province. We also made a trip to the provincial notarial office after the marriage was registered and I am still not clear what was done or filed during that visit. As for joint assets after marriage, I would be concerned about that. In the state where I live, assests owned prior to marriage are not considered marital assets.

Divorce in China: This is interesting and sad of course to read this topic, since I may be confronted with this situation myself. I am the one with the missing wife, who just recently emailed me saying she wants a divorce (Mama doesn't like our marriage). This is all after being married the first part of February. We were married in China and my wife is still in China and no papers were filed to bring her here. I have contacted some lawyers here and in China and got varying answere, of course. It seems it would be easy enough to divorce her from my state, particularly since I don't know exactly where she is, by serving the appropriate notices, etc. The biger problem is having this process recognized in China. I understand that there is a process to have an American divorce action recognized in China, but it would probably be best to talk to a lawyer in China, who knows the law and the proceedures there. I had to to quite a bit of calling to find a lawyer who does family law practice there and who speaks adequate English. Most of the law firms listed on the American embassy's web site specialize in business and trade law only. The local Chinese law firms listed don't speak much English. If you ever want to go back to China or marrry another Chinese woman, it would be get to get everything legal in both countries.

Thanks for your observations. I am waiting for a reply from my wife, to my offer to go back to China. It was not my decision to not meet her parents, it was hers and I am surprised that she did not anticipate the strong reaction of her Mother to this. I guess "reading between the lines" about my situation, I am not as optimistic as some. There just seems to be to many "bottom line is money " issues that keep reappearing. I think that is the basis of the objection to my age. But, I will do what I can to salvage things.

Missing Wife: Update To my surprise and relief I got an email this morning from my wife. She said she has been ill, since my return to USA and has been in the hospital a few times. I have no reason to doubt this, because the few calls I had with her before she vanished indicated that she was not feeling well. Unfortunately, she also stated she wants a divorce, largely due the badgering from her Mother. I am not sure there is some room for discussion about this with her Mother or not. It sounds like the Mother is quite inflexible about it. There are a lot of contradictions with the whole scene here. We (my wife and I) talked about this age issue before we got married and I thought we had it resolved. But, my wife never told her Mother my age. As I had said before, I never met the parents, because I think my wife did not want to stir up problems over this. As I said before there is a 30 year age difference. I do not consider myself to be a typical person of my age and consider myself in better condition mentally and physically that many who are ten years younger. I expect we soon will be discsuuing this further. I am willing to go back to China to meet her Mother and family, if it would help. I still find it a bit hard to believe that a 28 year old woman who has been living away from home for the past 6 years and who has also been married before, is that much under the influence of her Mother. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Thanks.

Sorrry I have not been keeping up with the messages here. I appreciate the concerns and advice posted by many members. I have located a lawer in China, who is going to assist with trying to locate her based on the information I do have. I really want to find her and get our marriage back on track. I am tending to believe what she has told me, in that it is her family who are making the objections here. The age difference beween us is about 30 years. She is 29. I guess I find it a bit hard to believe that she is so much under thier influence, since she had been living away from home for the past 6 years and had been through a bad marriage previously. However, I do know how some families can be. They always view thier offspring as "children" who are not wise enough to make their own decisions. My own Mother was like this. I would really be surprised if this were a scam, but that is a possibility. I shoud know some answers in about three weeks, if we are able to establish a valid identy. I will post the results.

Regarding my missing wife: I never met her parents and we did not have a planned celebration dinner, because she later felt that her family would get to upset over our age difference. We discussed all this age difference issue when I went to China and I told her not to marry me, if she thought it would create a problem. I did give her family money (via her) for the wedding, which they apparently readily accepted. They have not returned the money in any case. I knew her for 4 months before going to China and communicated exensively with her leading up to my trip. We had (I thought) a very close and positive relationship. The best I have ever found. I just can not understand the 180 degree turn around, except that she is caving in to the family's demands. This story has many facets and there are many things regarding this that do not make sense. I hope this sheds a little light on the situation.

I recently married a Chinese lady, in China (PRC Citizen) about 6 weeks ago. Upon my return to the USA, she said her Mother & family were extremely opposed to our marriage and wanted it ended. After a few very disturbing and short phone calls with her, I have lost contact with her. I had no other way to contact her except her cell phone, now powered off or "expired". I have contacted the American Embassy and the Chinese Public Security Bureau. Has anyone heard of a similar problem? Any suggetions as to how to locate her? Thanks.